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After the Death of a Spouse: 10 Things to Do BEFORE You Start Dating

November 12, 2024

1.   Slow down and commit to investing some time in getting ready to date. A little preparation work will help you protect your safety, have a more pleasurable dating experience, and possibly avoid heartbreak.


2.   Start a list of what you are looking for in a relationship. Do you want another marriage? Do you want a movie and dinner partner? Take your time with this step. Make your list, let it marinate for a while, and then go back and review what you wrote and add or subtract as needed. Consider sharing your list with your counselor, clergy person, or a trusted friend. This is a very important step. If you don’t know what you want … you are unlikely to get what you need. 


3.   What are your absolute deal breakers? This should be a short list but significant because if they are deal breakers, you’ll have to break the deal (a.k.a. stop seeing this person) if even one of them happens. Hopefully they will not, but if they do, you’ll be tempted to rationalize them away. And just so you know, if it’s there, it’s never going to not be there. A gambler will be a gambler, a smoker will be a smoker, one who lies will always lie. Asking for your money, for any reason, should absolutely be a dealbreaker.


4.   Do your safety research especially if you are going to participate in on-line dating. BE VERY CAREFUL. There are trolls on all social media sites looking to scam vulnerable people. Use only vetted dating sites. Make sure someone knows where you are going to meet, pick a public place, and don’t give out your home address.


5.   Now that you know why you want to begin to date, what you are hoping for, what you are not going to tolerate and how you will protect your safety, it might be a good time to share your intention to date with the kids. If they know what you are looking for and how you will protect yourself, they just might be more supportive of your dating adventure.

6.   As you get to know the new person, be gentle. If it’s not a deal breaker then it’s just something to lean in to. Unless it is something that scares you, then it should have been a deal breaker!


7.   Don’t be afraid to try new things. Don’t be afraid to introduce your new person to activities you enjoy.


8.   Keep an eye on YOU. Do you like how you are changing? Do you like how you are feeling? You should love yourself more in a good relationship.


9.   Maintain a comfortable pace. If the person you are dating is moving too fast or too slow for you, speak up.


10. Finally, enjoy. Remember every step of the journey … is the journey.



www.bisslerandsons.com

Dressing for a Funeral: Comfort, Respect, and What to Wear

January 8, 2025
Attending a funeral is one of those things that makes everyone pause, not just because of the emotional weight, but also the big question: "What do I wear?" Let’s discuss.

Embracing Family in Funeral Planning

January 8, 2025
When it comes time to say goodbye to a loved one, the focus of the funeral often naturally falls on the family. It's the people who loved and knew the deceased best—spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, and even coworkers—who come together to remember and honor their life.

When Someone Dies, Someone Else Feels Lonely

December 3, 2024
The loneliness that accompanies the death of someone we care about is complex and individual. For those who, for many years, woke every morning alongside a husband or wife, it is strange to open your eyes and realize you’re alone. In the early days of grief, the void that is left when a life partner dies can feel like a black hole with no way out.

I’m Lonely: When is Too Soon to Start Dating?

November 12, 2024
The answer to this question depends on who you ask. Queen Victoria famously mourned Prince Albert by wearing black for the remainder of her life, forty years. The fictional character Scarlet O’Hara in the novel Gone With the Wind scandalized her peers by dancing with a bachelor at a charity event while “still in black.”

Make Sure the Tough Days Are Covered

November 12, 2024
Supporting a friend who is grieving requires staying power. In the first few weeks and days following the funeral, our thoughts are full of our friend. But often, as the weeks become months, our friend’s need is less acute, and our own routine calls us. We forget.

What Happens at a Visitation?

October 31, 2024
Human beings are social. We crave the company of others. During times of stress our friends comfort us, they listen to us, and share our troubles. When someone we love dies, we need our people.

Coping with Winter Holidays After Losing a Loved One

October 31, 2024
The winter holidays are often considered a time to be with family. And that feeling can be particularly hard when one family member is missing. Losing a loved one is never easy. And although the strongest symptoms of grief often dissipate within the first few months after the loss, grief can arise again through certain triggers, such as the arrival of the holiday season. Coping with loss during the holidays can look different for every person and every family, but these tips can give you someplace to start.

The First Thanksgiving Alone

October 31, 2024
Thanksgiving looks different to all different kinds of families, but it can also look different year after year. As family members grow up and have their own families, Thanksgiving celebrations may shrink. And as time goes on, the passing of family members can make those smaller Thanksgivings even more emotional. There may come a day when your Thanksgiving will be celebrated alone, which can trigger feelings of grief and loss. How can you navigate a Thanksgiving spent alone? There’s no wrong way, as long as you’re taking care of yourself.

Honoring Military Heroes on Veterans Day

October 31, 2024
When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

How Can We Honor Our Family Member Who Died and Keep the Holiday Celebratory?

October 30, 2024
There are those people in our lives who we connect with on certain holidays. When we think of Christmas, Hanukkah, or the 4th of July, this person comes to mind. It might be the cookies they baked, the blessing they said, or the fireworks show they were known for. Regardless of what they did, it is difficult to imagine the holiday without this person. Celebrating the holiday, especially for the first time, following their death can be hard. The goal is not to lose the celebratory nature of the holiday in the void created by the death of the person we loved. It is to incorporate the memory into the celebration of the holiday.
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