After the Death of a Spouse: 10 Things to Do BEFORE You Start Dating

Supporting a friend who is grieving requires staying power. In the first few weeks and days following the funeral, our thoughts are full of our friend. But often, as the weeks become months, our friend’s need is less acute, and our own routine calls us. We forget.

Human beings are social. We crave the company of others. During times of stress our friends comfort us, they listen to us, and share our troubles. When someone we love dies, we need our people.

The winter holidays are often considered a time to be with family. And that feeling can be particularly hard when one family member is missing. Losing a loved one is never easy. And although the strongest symptoms of grief often dissipate within the first few months after the loss, grief can arise again through certain triggers, such as the arrival of the holiday season. Coping with loss during the holidays can look different for every person and every family, but these tips can give you someplace to start.

Thanksgiving looks different to all different kinds of families, but it can also look different year after year. As family members grow up and have their own families, Thanksgiving celebrations may shrink. And as time goes on, the passing of family members can make those smaller Thanksgivings even more emotional. There may come a day when your Thanksgiving will be celebrated alone, which can trigger feelings of grief and loss. How can you navigate a Thanksgiving spent alone? There’s no wrong way, as long as you’re taking care of yourself.

When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

There are those people in our lives who we connect with on certain holidays. When we think of Christmas, Hanukkah, or the 4th of July, this person comes to mind. It might be the cookies they baked, the blessing they said, or the fireworks show they were known for. Regardless of what they did, it is difficult to imagine the holiday without this person. Celebrating the holiday, especially for the first time, following their death can be hard. The goal is not to lose the celebratory nature of the holiday in the void created by the death of the person we loved. It is to incorporate the memory into the celebration of the holiday.

There are so many aspects of putting together a funeral that it’s easy to overlook some things. But every element of funeral planning is vital for different reasons. One often-overlooked component is the funeral program.What exactly is a funeral program?And what do you find in one? What is a funeral program? Funeral programs serve the essential purposes of giving attendees information about the service and of being a tangible memento that honors the life of the decedent. These programs may be the size of one sheet of paper, a card, or a larger booklet. Most often, they are provided to funeral attendees either when they enter the room where the service will be held or placed on the seats before the guests arrive. What goes in a funeral program? Funeral programs can be as unique as the service itself, but there is a general order to what goes into these pages. Here’s what you may find in a funeral program: 1. A cover honoring the decedent The cover of a funeral program often consists of the name of the person whose life is being honored, a photo of them, and the years of their birth and death. Making a cover this way makes it clear whose service guests are attending. However, a cover may also consist of other elements that show more of the decedent’s personality. For instance, a funeral program’s cover may also have one of the decedent’s most beloved quotes, poems, prayers, or song lyrics. Just as an obituary doesn’t have to have a somber tone if the decedent was known for their humorous personality, it’s fitting to make the funeral program show off that personality. The cover is a good place to set that tone. 2. The obituary Within the pages of a funeral program, it’s customary to find the decedent’s obituary. Although you may have previously shared the obituary on your funeral home’s website, a website dedicated to obituaries, social media, local newspaper, or other locations, writing it in the funeral program helps to immortalize that spirit of your loved one. 3. Service information Because a funeral program is a memento of the service, it should include the service information. You’ll want to write the date, time, and location of where the funeral is being held. 4. Order of service As the name suggests, the order of service is the order in which the events of the service will be held. Some events may include the introduction, prayers, readings, musical performances, eulogies, additional speeches, and closing remarks. If you’re having a religious service, you may want to talk to a religious leader to ensure that your order of service fits the traditional funeral ceremony performed by that religion. For example, traditional Catholic funerals do not include a eulogy. Whether you’re holding a religious ceremony or not, you should also talk to your funeral director to make certain that you know the proper order of the service before writing the program. Alongside each element of the order of service, you should also write who is leading that portion of the service. 5. Where to find prayers, hymns, and scripture readings If you’re holding a religious service, you should include in the funeral program where to find prayers, hymns, and scripture readings. Doing so allows the guests to read and sing along when the time arrives. Especially if you’re expecting a large service, it may be hard for some guests to hear the officiant. By providing directions to where to find the readings, no guest will have to worry about missing important information. 6. Song or hymn lyrics Similarly to why you would provide where to find readings, you may want to write the lyrics to songs or hymns that you may wish the funeral-goers to sing along to. If anyone is unfamiliar with these songs or hymns, they will be grateful you provided the lyrics. Even if guests don’t sing along, these songs were chosen to be a part of the funeral for a reason. It’s meaningful for guests to be able to study those lyrics, which were important to the decedent or hold great significance. 7. Pallbearers and flower bearers While the names of the eulogists, singers, and other speakers will be included in the order of service, you may also want to share the names of the pallbearers and flower bearers in the funeral program. If you do choose to write them, you should remember to also include anyone who is an honorary pallbearer or flower bearer.  8. Additional service information If there’s a committal service or reception after the funeral, you should also share directions and information about these services. You should write when and where they will be held, as well as any additional pertinent information.