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What is Integrated Grief? Does it Last Forever?

Sep 29, 2024

Grief is a complex process that is more difficult to understand than many believe. It can also be more depleting than people expect. After losing someone close to you, you may have trouble going about your life. You may struggle to think about your loved one. Or, on the opposite end, you may have difficulty doing anything other than thinking about the person you’re missing.

But as time moves on, those feelings usually lessen, allowing you to reenter the world, still grieving, but in a lighter way. This is when integrated grief starts. But when does it end?

What is integrated grief?

When a loved one passes, a period of acute grief begins. For these first several months after the loss, a person feels intense symptoms that may derail their day-to-day life. Symptoms may include severe sadness, emotional distress, numbness or shock, lack of appetite, guilt, and trouble sleeping. All of these factors can make going about life difficult, but acute grief most often ends after those initial months after the loss conclude.

When acute grief ends, grief most often becomes integrated. Integrated grief is markedly different from acute grief in that it doesn’t affect everyday life. Integrated grief resides in the background. Essentially, you’re in a place where you’re coming to terms with your loss and able to function more similarly to how you did before the loss happened.

But that’s not to say that you don’t miss your loved one. Integrated grief is a very bittersweet feeling. Though you’re able to continue on with your life, you’ll still feel the heartache of not being with your loved one. During this stage of grieving, many people can reconnect with the memories of their loved ones. They’re able to think about their loved ones without the overwhelming emotions associated with acute grief.

How does grief become integrated?

It’s essential to understand that life will look different after a significant loss. There’s no returning completely back to how life was before your bereavement began. It can be challenging for many people to enter this new world, but as they move through acute grief, they do want to learn how to survive in their everyday life again. But those who are suffering from acute grief also can’t imagine a time when their grief isn’t dominating.

However, the reality is that most people naturally move from acute grief to integrated grief on their own through the passage of time. Although their first instincts after a loss may be to hold on to every reminder of their loved one or to not think about their loved one at all, they begin to recognize that they need a life in which they can balance living with connecting to their loved one’s memory. Grief changes who we are, from our priorities to what we envision our roles in life to be. During integrated grief, we acknowledge these changes and adapt.

How long does integrated grief last?

Although acute grief only lasts for the initial months after the loss, integrated grief is most often permanent. But that’s a good thing. This form of grief helps us to stay connected to the people we’ve lost and hold onto the things we loved about them.

During this time, we’re able to function again, but we also simply miss the people we’ve lost. Although they say time heals all wounds, that’s not entirely true. Time may lessen the severity of the pain we feel when we think about our loved one, but time cannot wholly remove the bittersweet emotions we may feel when we remember the people we love and how they affected us.

Acute grief may arise on certain occasions. That doesn’t mean that you’ve grieved improperly or that you haven’t come to terms with your loss. Specific triggers may simply be making you think more about your loved one and miss them more strongly than usual. Some common examples of when this recurrence might happen include during the holiday season, on your loved one’s birthday, or on the anniversary of a loved one’s passing.

What if my acute grief doesn’t turn into integrated grief?

Integrated grief should not interfere with your everyday life. If you’re still feeling a grief that’s overwhelming several months after your loss, you may have complicated grief. When grief doesn’t move from acute to integrated, complicated grief develops. With complicated grief, you’re continuing on with the debilitating emotions you felt with acute grief, but there’s no timeline of when those feelings might lessen.

In this case, you may end up with a diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder. This disorder arises when someone close to you has died within at least six months, or 12 months in the case of children and teenagers. The symptoms of prolonged grief disorder can prevent the sufferer from being able to resume daily life and continue normal relationships.

The development of treatment for prolonged grief disorder is ongoing, but some methods can be used to help someone with this disorder return to their everyday life. However, it’s better to try to prevent prolonged grief disorder than it is to treat it. It’s recommended to seek the help of a mental health professional shortly after a loss or when you know that a loss will soon come in order to help combat the emotions that may develop into complicated grief.

And even if you’ve moved through the mourning process in the typical way, from acute to integrated grief, it’s still a good idea to seek the help of a mental health professional. Although integrated grief shouldn’t be debilitating, learning to live with this permanent form of grief can still be challenging. Although time may lessen the pain of a loss, we’ll always miss the people we love. But it’s vital that we learn how to go on, just as our loved ones would have wanted us to.

www.bisslerandsons.com

Bissler & Sons Funeral Home and Crematory has served families in Kent, Ohio, and all of Portage County since 1913. The company transitioned ownership in 2018 when Rick Bissler retired and arranged to merge his family’s funeral home with the Billow family’s funeral homes, who carry on the tradition of high quality funeral, burial, memorial and cremation services. Their privately owned and operated crematory ensures that loved ones never leave their professional care. Visit bisslerandsons.com to learn more.

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How Can We Honor Our Family Member Who Died and Keep the Holiday Celebratory?

30 Oct, 2024

There are those people in our lives who we connect with on certain holidays. When we think of Christmas, Hanukkah, or the 4th of July, this person comes to mind. It might be the cookies they baked, the blessing they said, or the fireworks show they were known for. Regardless of what they did, it is difficult to imagine the holiday without this person. Celebrating the holiday, especially for the first time, following their death can be hard. The goal is not to lose the celebratory nature of the holiday in the void created by the death of the person we loved. It is to incorporate the memory into the celebration of the holiday.

What Should Be Included in a Funeral Program?

26 Oct, 2024

There are so many aspects of putting together a funeral that it’s easy to overlook some things. But every element of funeral planning is vital for different reasons. One often-overlooked component is the funeral program.What exactly is a funeral program?And what do you find in one? What is a funeral program? Funeral programs serve the essential purposes of giving attendees information about the service and of being a tangible memento that honors the life of the decedent. These programs may be the size of one sheet of paper, a card, or a larger booklet. Most often, they are provided to funeral attendees either when they enter the room where the service will be held or placed on the seats before the guests arrive. What goes in a funeral program? Funeral programs can be as unique as the service itself, but there is a general order to what goes into these pages. Here’s what you may find in a funeral program: 1. A cover honoring the decedent The cover of a funeral program often consists of the name of the person whose life is being honored, a photo of them, and the years of their birth and death. Making a cover this way makes it clear whose service guests are attending. However, a cover may also consist of other elements that show more of the decedent’s personality. For instance, a funeral program’s cover may also have one of the decedent’s most beloved quotes, poems, prayers, or song lyrics. Just as an obituary doesn’t have to have a somber tone if the decedent was known for their humorous personality, it’s fitting to make the funeral program show off that personality. The cover is a good place to set that tone. 2. The obituary Within the pages of a funeral program, it’s customary to find the decedent’s obituary. Although you may have previously shared the obituary on your funeral home’s website, a website dedicated to obituaries, social media, local newspaper, or other locations, writing it in the funeral program helps to immortalize that spirit of your loved one. 3. Service information Because a funeral program is a memento of the service, it should include the service information. You’ll want to write the date, time, and location of where the funeral is being held. 4. Order of service As the name suggests, the order of service is the order in which the events of the service will be held. Some events may include the introduction, prayers, readings, musical performances, eulogies, additional speeches, and closing remarks. If you’re having a religious service, you may want to talk to a religious leader to ensure that your order of service fits the traditional funeral ceremony performed by that religion. For example, traditional Catholic funerals do not include a eulogy. Whether you’re holding a religious ceremony or not, you should also talk to your funeral director to make certain that you know the proper order of the service before writing the program. Alongside each element of the order of service, you should also write who is leading that portion of the service. 5. Where to find prayers, hymns, and scripture readings If you’re holding a religious service, you should include in the funeral program where to find prayers, hymns, and scripture readings. Doing so allows the guests to read and sing along when the time arrives. Especially if you’re expecting a large service, it may be hard for some guests to hear the officiant. By providing directions to where to find the readings, no guest will have to worry about missing important information. 6. Song or hymn lyrics Similarly to why you would provide where to find readings, you may want to write the lyrics to songs or hymns that you may wish the funeral-goers to sing along to. If anyone is unfamiliar with these songs or hymns, they will be grateful you provided the lyrics. Even if guests don’t sing along, these songs were chosen to be a part of the funeral for a reason. It’s meaningful for guests to be able to study those lyrics, which were important to the decedent or hold great significance. 7. Pallbearers and flower bearers While the names of the eulogists, singers, and other speakers will be included in the order of service, you may also want to share the names of the pallbearers and flower bearers in the funeral program. If you do choose to write them, you should remember to also include anyone who is an honorary pallbearer or flower bearer. 8. Additional service information If there’s a committal service or reception after the funeral, you should also share directions and information about these services. You should write when and where they will be held, as well as any additional pertinent information.