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How Can We Honor Our Family Member Who Died and Keep the Holiday Celebratory?

October 30, 2024

There are those people in our lives who we connect with on certain holidays. When we think of Christmas, Hanukkah, or the 4^th of July, this person comes to mind. It might be the cookies they baked, the blessing they said, or the fireworks show they were known for. Regardless of what they did, it is difficult to imagine the holiday without this person. Celebrating the holiday, especially for the first time, following their death can be hard. The goal is not to lose the celebratory nature of the holiday in the void created by the death of the person we loved. It is to incorporate the memory into the celebration of the holiday.

1. PLAN IN ADVANCE

Contact those who will share the holiday with you. Talk about what you want the holiday celebration to look and feel like. Do you want to preserve all the traditions? What did your loved one do that made the day special? What jobs will need to be reallocated in your loved one’s absence? Be proactive. Don’t wait for the holiday to fall flat because along with the death of the person you loved you also lose family traditions that are precious to you and define the holiday for your family.

When you are talking with your family members, use Dr. Steven Covey’s 5^th habit of highly successful people … seek first to understand and then to be understood. Use your questions. Ask what others want before you tell them what you want.

Remember when you text or make that phone call, you do not have any idea of the environment in which it lands. It might be received right in the middle of a child’s melt-down over homework, or the dog having an accident on the floor, who knows? Ease into the topic. You are thinking about how the holiday will be celebrated. The recipient of your message is probably not. It’s important that you set out on the right foot. Put a frame around your intent. “I want us to have the best holiday possible this year, could we set aside a time to talk about how we can work together to make that happen?”

Take extra care. Expect that this will be a tender time for all family members. Choose your words wisely, practice forgiveness when you need to, be kind, and listen.

2. KEEP THE TONE POSITIVE

Remember what the person you loved and lost really did that made the holiday special. Remember what they loved about the day and incorporate that into your celebration. For example, let’s say Dad always decorated the tree the week after Thanksgiving. Fill the void. Gather the grandchildren, the family, and maybe a few friends for a tree decorating party. Share a few Dad stories and get the tree put up in the warm glow of family and friendship.

When your sister-in-law offers to make the sweet potatoes, understand that they may not be just like mom’s sweet potatoes. If it is critical to the holiday’s success that they are MOM’S sweet potatoes, pull Mom’s recipe in advance and ask your sister-in-law if she would make them. If it’s not critical, enjoy a new sweet potato adventure. Avoid bringing the day down over little things. Instead, focus on what is really important and was important to your loved one.

3. REMEMBER WITH INTENTION

Most importantly, focus on what the person who died added to your lives and the holiday. Talk about what they did, what they loved, how they added to your life. When you are planning in advance for your holiday, decide how you will remember the person who died. Perhaps the touch football game after dinner will be dedicated to Dad’s memory. Or maybe, in honor of Mom’s love for flowers, you ask that each family member bring a stem for your table decoration. Maybe you all decide to share a memory before dessert. There are many ways to remember. Let your happy, fond, special memories be the focus of your day. Rather than the loss you all share.

4. EMBRACE THE NEW

Lean into the changes. Allow yourself to enjoy what you have. The family and friends who are with you, the turkey roll instead of the whole bird, the pumpkin cheesecake instead of the pumpkin pie, paper napkins instead of cloth. Whatever the changes are, just look for the love that went into the preparation and bask in its glow.

www.bisslerandsons.com

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The First Thanksgiving Alone

October 31, 2024

Thanksgiving looks different to all different kinds of families, but it can also look different year after year. As family members grow up and have their own families, Thanksgiving celebrations may shrink. And as time goes on, the passing of family members can make those smaller Thanksgivings even more emotional. There may come a day when your Thanksgiving will be celebrated alone, which can trigger feelings of grief and loss. How can you navigate a Thanksgiving spent alone? There’s no wrong way, as long as you’re taking care of yourself.

Honoring Military Heroes on Veterans Day

October 31, 2024

When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

What Should Be Included in a Funeral Program?

October 26, 2024

There are so many aspects of putting together a funeral that it’s easy to overlook some things. But every element of funeral planning is vital for different reasons. One often-overlooked component is the funeral program.What exactly is a funeral program?And what do you find in one? What is a funeral program? Funeral programs serve the essential purposes of giving attendees information about the service and of being a tangible memento that honors the life of the decedent. These programs may be the size of one sheet of paper, a card, or a larger booklet. Most often, they are provided to funeral attendees either when they enter the room where the service will be held or placed on the seats before the guests arrive. What goes in a funeral program? Funeral programs can be as unique as the service itself, but there is a general order to what goes into these pages. Here’s what you may find in a funeral program: 1. A cover honoring the decedent The cover of a funeral program often consists of the name of the person whose life is being honored, a photo of them, and the years of their birth and death. Making a cover this way makes it clear whose service guests are attending. However, a cover may also consist of other elements that show more of the decedent’s personality. For instance, a funeral program’s cover may also have one of the decedent’s most beloved quotes, poems, prayers, or song lyrics. Just as an obituary doesn’t have to have a somber tone if the decedent was known for their humorous personality, it’s fitting to make the funeral program show off that personality. The cover is a good place to set that tone. 2. The obituary Within the pages of a funeral program, it’s customary to find the decedent’s obituary. Although you may have previously shared the obituary on your funeral home’s website, a website dedicated to obituaries, social media, local newspaper, or other locations, writing it in the funeral program helps to immortalize that spirit of your loved one. 3. Service information Because a funeral program is a memento of the service, it should include the service information. You’ll want to write the date, time, and location of where the funeral is being held. 4. Order of service As the name suggests, the order of service is the order in which the events of the service will be held. Some events may include the introduction, prayers, readings, musical performances, eulogies, additional speeches, and closing remarks. If you’re having a religious service, you may want to talk to a religious leader to ensure that your order of service fits the traditional funeral ceremony performed by that religion. For example, traditional Catholic funerals do not include a eulogy. Whether you’re holding a religious ceremony or not, you should also talk to your funeral director to make certain that you know the proper order of the service before writing the program. Alongside each element of the order of service, you should also write who is leading that portion of the service. 5. Where to find prayers, hymns, and scripture readings If you’re holding a religious service, you should include in the funeral program where to find prayers, hymns, and scripture readings. Doing so allows the guests to read and sing along when the time arrives. Especially if you’re expecting a large service, it may be hard for some guests to hear the officiant. By providing directions to where to find the readings, no guest will have to worry about missing important information. 6. Song or hymn lyrics Similarly to why you would provide where to find readings, you may want to write the lyrics to songs or hymns that you may wish the funeral-goers to sing along to. If anyone is unfamiliar with these songs or hymns, they will be grateful you provided the lyrics. Even if guests don’t sing along, these songs were chosen to be a part of the funeral for a reason. It’s meaningful for guests to be able to study those lyrics, which were important to the decedent or hold great significance. 7. Pallbearers and flower bearers While the names of the eulogists, singers, and other speakers will be included in the order of service, you may also want to share the names of the pallbearers and flower bearers in the funeral program. If you do choose to write them, you should remember to also include anyone who is an honorary pallbearer or flower bearer. 8. Additional service information If there’s a committal service or reception after the funeral, you should also share directions and information about these services. You should write when and where they will be held, as well as any additional pertinent information.